I would like to take a break from blogging about beauty and makeup for today. I just want to vent some frustrations for now. This is not actually a big problem. Not at all. I'm just uninspired and I feel tired and I just want to rant. Haha! I'm sorry but I think sharing my thoughts could help me feel better. :P
My first frustration—my blog. Before, I tried my best to publish a post daily. I still do... Well, I try to... I'm just too tired lately... well, for the past year actually. I still love makeup and I still love sharing my beauty discoveries, but blogging is just time consuming. And balancing that with grad school, a full-time job, and I guess my social life can be a difficult challenge. And this is supposed to be a blog by "sisters" but my friend Liz, who is supposed to be the half of the Peachy Pink Sisters will take her boards on Med School so she hardly has time to even think of makeup and skincare. So yeah, I'm all alone in this for now (but even before, Liz barely writes posts. Sorry, friend :P).
I don't get to go to blog events anymore and when I receive products to review, I feel bad that I don't blog about them as soon as I would have wanted. :( I'll try to get back my blogging mojo but for now, expect that I'll only publish 2-4 posts a week. :(
My second concern is that the next semester in grad school will start in a couple of weeks. YIKES! I don't want my vacation to be over yet! It's only been two months and most of that was spent by me hating the heat of the summer! Haha! After two weeks, I'll barely get sleep again and I'll be off doing the requirements. But even though every semester is a torture, I really want to finish it and get my MA degree. I love learning and I love the visual arts and I'm sure that by the end of all this, I won't regret anything. I just hate that I'm still in the middle of it and trying to survive. :P
Third, my art. *Sigh* I miss doing artworks. I just don't get to do them for fun anymore. Creating visuals became a task for me for work and for school. Before, drawing was my stress reliever, but recently, I just get stressed thinking about what to do.
Before, I just grab a pencil or a pen and sit on a table and create these in a couple of hours...
Even when I was in college, I had fun in doing almost all our plates! I didn't even get stressed when I made my thesis!
But now, I'm sad and frustrated that I am not getting better. I don't think I am improving at all in my craft. I rarely want to draw or paint. I thought traveling to New York and visiting the MET, Guggenheim and MoMa can get me hyped up, but oh boy... the only major artworks I've done a year after were requirements for grad school and maybe a couple for my work in the academic publishing...
A piece of clay is already major for me because I didn't produce much this year.
Although I did have an idea here, the details are half-assed because of the limited time I had in making this. I did this in one night.
Some of the artworks I need in grad school I even do at work just so I can have time to sleep at home.
This one is probably the latest that I took seriously and this will be used for a book cover (so yeah, it's for work). I did this in May. Yeah, two months have passed. No work since (I did make a colored pencil portrait but that turned out ugly for me so no, I don't consider it a finished work).
So just to sum it up, I'm sad that I think of my passion as something that stresses me out and not like before that makes me happy with all the butterfly feels inside. When I check my Facebook and see my friends sharing their works, I wonder, where did all my passion to create things went? *Sigh*
What stressed me out most is that recently, I was included in a newly formed group of illustrators. I was actually one of the few people hand-picked by a former professor. This should have been amazing news for me and I should be very happy and proud... I am. I really am. And I was very excited. But when we were tasked to bring our works to present to the other members, I have nothing to show that I will be 100% proud of. The works above are the stuff I brought with me (minus the clay, that's all distorted now). These are old works and they do not show what I am NOW as an illustrator/artist. I know I could do better, but I do not have proof. I didn't produce any. I don't know why. Am I just lazy? Do I think I'm better that what I really am? Is this a quarter life crisis thing? Well, I am 25 now... Haha! Whatever this thing is... I wish I can change and find that "me" who loves to draw and paint again. :/
This is becoming a really depressing post. Sorry. But yeah, that ends my rants. :P If you read the whole thing, thanks for listening/reading. :)
And don't worry, I'll resume all the beauty related posts soon! :)
Anyway, do you currently have some frustrations as well or am I all alone in this? Haha! Just share them away and let them out! Or if you have suggestions on how to keep being inspired, comment them below! I badly need those right now! :D