Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Small Rants and Frustrations

Hey guys!

I would like to take a break from blogging about beauty and makeup for today. I just want to vent some frustrations for now. This is not actually a big problem. Not at all. I'm just uninspired and I feel tired and I just want to rant. Haha! I'm sorry but I think sharing my thoughts could help me feel better. :P

My first frustration—my blog. Before, I tried my best to publish a post daily. I still do... Well, I try to... I'm just too tired lately... well, for the past year actually. I still love makeup and I still love sharing my beauty discoveries, but blogging is just time consuming. And balancing that with grad school, a full-time job, and I guess my social life can be a difficult challenge. And this is supposed to be a blog by "sisters" but my friend Liz, who is supposed to be the half of the Peachy Pink Sisters will take her boards on Med School so she hardly has time to even think of makeup and skincare. So yeah, I'm all alone in this for now (but even before, Liz barely writes posts. Sorry, friend :P). 

I don't get to go to blog events anymore and when I receive products to review, I feel bad that I don't blog about them as soon as I would have wanted. :( I'll try to get back my blogging mojo but for now, expect that I'll only publish 2-4 posts a week. :(

My second concern is that the next semester in grad school will start in a couple of weeks. YIKES! I don't want my vacation to be over yet! It's only been two months and most of that was spent by me hating the heat of the summer! Haha! After two weeks, I'll barely get sleep again and I'll be off doing the requirements. But even though every semester is a torture, I really want to finish it and get my MA degree. I love learning and I love the visual arts and I'm sure that by the end of all this, I won't regret anything. I just hate that I'm still in the middle of it and trying to survive. :P

Third, my art. *Sigh* I miss doing artworks. I just don't get to do them for fun anymore. Creating visuals became a task for me for work and for school. Before, drawing was my stress reliever, but recently, I just get stressed thinking about what to do.

Before, I just grab a pencil or a pen and sit on a table and create these in a couple of hours...


Even when I was in college, I had fun in doing almost all our plates! I didn't even get stressed when I made my thesis!


But now, I'm sad and frustrated that I am not getting better. I don't think I am improving at all in my craft. I rarely want to draw or paint. I thought traveling to New York and visiting the MET, Guggenheim and MoMa can get me hyped up, but oh boy... the only major artworks I've done a year after were requirements for grad school and maybe a couple for my work in the academic publishing...

 A piece of clay is already major for me because I didn't produce much this year.

Although I did have an idea here, the details are half-assed because of the limited time I had in making this. I did this in one night.

Some of the artworks I need in grad school I even do at work just so I can have time to sleep at home. 


This one is probably the latest that I took seriously and this will be used for a book cover (so yeah, it's for work). I did this in May. Yeah, two months have passed. No work since (I did make a colored pencil portrait but that turned out ugly for me so no, I don't consider it a finished work).

So just to sum it up, I'm sad that I think of my passion as something that stresses me out and not like before that makes me happy with all the butterfly feels inside. When I check my Facebook and see my friends sharing their works, I wonder, where did all my passion to create things went? *Sigh*

What stressed me out most is that recently, I was included in a newly formed group of illustrators. I was actually one of the few people hand-picked by a former professor. This should have been amazing news for me and I should be very happy and proud... I am. I really am. And I was very excited. But when we were tasked to bring our works to present to the other members, I have nothing to show that I will be 100% proud of. The works above are the stuff I brought with me (minus the clay, that's all distorted now). These are old works and they do not show what I am NOW as an illustrator/artist. I know I could do better, but I do not have proof. I didn't produce any. I don't know why. Am I just lazy? Do I think I'm better that what I really am? Is this a quarter life crisis thing? Well, I am 25 now... Haha! Whatever this thing is... I wish I can change and find that "me" who loves to draw and paint again. :/

This is becoming a really depressing post. Sorry. But yeah, that ends my rants. :P If you read the whole thing, thanks for listening/reading. :)

And don't worry, I'll resume all the beauty related posts soon! :)

Anyway, do you currently have some frustrations as well or am I all alone in this? Haha! Just share them away and let them out! Or if you have suggestions on how to keep being inspired, comment them below! I badly need those right now! :D


Cheers,
DAWN 


16 comments:

  1. Dawn! Maybe you just need a change of scenery. Something you'd least expect (sad to hear the trip didn't invigorate your creativity :o) Anyway, I hope this doesn't sound trite but chin up. This is just a stage and I'm sure all creatives go through this. You have so much talent so I hope you don't give up :)

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    1. Change of scenery? Like a boyfriend daw (according sa isang friend. Haha!)? I don't think I would ever give up! I love art very much. I'm just currently stuck. Haha! Don't worry, Tellie, I'm still optimistic that I'll get past this. :) Thank you! :<3

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  2. Hmmm... This is why I reject other people's advice to shift to CFAD since I like art more than science. I don't want to be stressed when doing something I love. Though I create better when I am frustrated or angry. (swear, drawing or cooking, super mas maganda works ko if I'm angry, especially sa food. I won't taste it but it turns out amazing which is weird) Currently, I am pressured to do advance studying for my next year in college but here I am drawing XD

    Dawn, minsan you don't see that you're improving but others do :) Your standards are different from mine but I think your works are really beautiful. Hmmm.. Have you tried painting en plein air recently? Baka makatanggal ng stress if you just paint or draw something that you saw for the first time :)

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    1. I've tried that. I want to just take a brush and paint away, but I feel so stressed doing it. :(

      And I also shifted from accountancy. CFAD never made me stressed with my art. I loved my stay there. I guess I feel that now because we get monetary value for our works. The amount you get paid depends on how good you are so if you don't do good, you won't get a good price. It's all business now and there's no more fun and pleasure from it.

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    2. I met some guys from IWS Philippines a few days ago and they say that an artist block is normal. They still get it occasionally :) You'll get over it :D Try mo idraw si TOP ng madaming madaming madaming beses XD

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    3. Artist block... never thought about that. I do hope that this is just that and that it will soon go away. Maybe after I watch the BigBang concert on the 30th! Maybe being in the same venue as TOP and breathing the same air (creepy lang) will give me the needed inspiration to get back in the game! Haha! <3

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  3. Aww! Dawn! I love your work and I still always look forward to your posts. Keep it up! ♥ Marami kang fans ;) hihi

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    1. Awww, Helen. You're always so sweet! :D Thank you! :D

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  4. Maybe you just need a break from life itself hhehe... Jk, but I do want to let you know that your posts in facebook, esp that fish with a sort of pearl is pretty enticing and is what made me try to do drawings again. I know that you'll get over this block, maybe you just need more me time, a break from work or such... :)

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    1. Awww... It feels good to know that my works somehow inspired you to go back to creating art. Thank you for the kind words. Maybe this weekend I can take a break and pamper myself. :)

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  5. Hang in there Dawn. There are times na ganun talaga. So kahit it feels pilit I do things kasi naisip ko, baka ganun talaga ang adulthood. Minsan kahit hindi ka inspired, kelangan gawin pa rin.

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    1. Hi Rae! Yeah, I understand that. I think I'm doing fine naman when it comes to school or work if I base it sa boss/clients and grades ko. I'm just not happy about them... Haha! Drama lang. But thanks for the kind words. Being an adult is hard! HAHA!

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  6. Woooow!! Beautiful artworks! <3 Whenever I got myself into slumps (reading slump or blogging slump) or when my cooking skills go rusty, I try something new. Reading from a different genre or having audiobooks instead. Try new dishes from restaurants at buti nalang malapit ako sa Maginhawa st. so I get to try different food at affordable price :3 And change topics on my blog. Haha kea kalat mga topics ng blog ko nyahaha. One thing that surely depresses me, Facebook. I get inspired by a lot of different people but not from the people I know. Parang nacocompare ko pa sarili ko sa kanila which depresses me a lot. I think most people ganun kea diba pag nagtatampo deactivate agad? Digital detox yun! XD Traveling helped me get motivated too. Basta try something different I think that will work. My sister is into arts din there was a time na nashock siya sa school that made her hate arts. For years she refused to pick up her pencil and draw seriously. When she started online gaming (she was never into gaming before), she started to draw again like mga characters sa game. Well... nasobra nga lang siya gaming addiction na XD Gambatte :*

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    1. Yeah, I do think I need a change of scenery. My life has been pretty much doing the same routine lately.

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  7. I always believe that if it is easy, anyone can do it. It is fine if you feel a little down from time to time it means you are being challenge and that is good! I know everything will be okay. God will never give us problems or situations that we can't handle. Pray and believe in yourself. Ako din nalulungkot kasi wala feeling ko wala akong pag unlad sa blog ko. Haha! But I just have to believe in myself and trust myself.

    Pray lang po kayo, ask for His guidance. Its okay kung hindi nyo po magawa lahat ng sabay sabay focus lang po sa priorities natin :) I have a favorite poem that inspires me in my life, I hope this will help:
    Desiderata
    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

    I wish you all the best Ms. Dawn! Kaya nyo po yan! >:D< :)

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    1. It's a beautiful literature, Lis. Thank you for sharing it. Good luck with the blog too! :D

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